What’s Missing?

I wish I knew what was missing. This year has not been a great year for me, in contrast to 2005 this year’s been shit. I totaled my car last year and had kind of a rough summer but it was still a great year. The spring was great and I had an awesome fall. September was especially good last year. Everything that’s happened this year has paled in comparison, even though some good things have happened this year.

Things were kinda starting to get better, then The Fiasco happened. Since then it has gotten more craptacular. I had a good paying job, a decent place to live, and it was meeting a goal I had set for myself. At the time backing out of that seemed like what I wanted, no I am not so sure. I hate drama and indecision but that’s all I seem to be lately. Financially my life sucks. Socially it is fine. I hate my work.

One year ago I was doing fine financially, socially I was doing very well, and I loved and adored my work. I hate how much life can change sometimes.

Friends. Without my friends my life would be awful right now. Val keeps me grounded. Aaron keeps things fun. Trav keeps things real. Mel, Nick, Missy, Nicky B, Kutzer, and many others. The reason I felt safe in Fargo was friends, now they’re the only thing keeping me sane. The reason I felt exposed by moving to St. Paul was that I was going to be alone. Would I really have been alone though? I could have made other friends or connected with other college friends I know down there; like Kuntz or Sara A, or Chelsea.

Val always says that everything happens for a reason. Val and I are also a bit impatient at times, me moreso than her I think (she may disagree ), and I can’t keep waiting for the reason. I want to know now. Why did life keep me here, what will make me happy, can I be as happy as I was a year ago? Or more better put, I wish I knew what was missing. If you have a better clue than I let me know. Later.