Chelsea Knows Best…

“Happy Black Friday,

The biggest shopping day of the year! Of course, to me, black friday will always be that intimate evening I spent in the Laker’s locker room. By the way Kobe I finally found your championship ring! *haha* But I think you might want to drop it off at the dry cleaners…

This is the most ridiculous day of the year.

People start lining their cheap asses up at three in the morning, to make sure they’re the first to get off a dollar off of that special electric toe-nail clipper – its too chaotic and borderline dangerous.

This is the one day of the year I don’t allow Chuy out of his playpen. He’s still scarred from our 2003 outing to Forever 21, where my baby björn (??) was split in half and he was launched into a bin of furry jewelry.

This day turns the most mild mannered person into a beast. Its clear to me now why they call this day black friday, because everyone out there shopping is a huge dick!“

-Chelsea Handler
(transcribed by me)

Chelsea is awesome.

Later.

BTW – If I find video of this I will post it.